You think you miss your ex, but you could be confusing love with any of these false reasons

When a relationship breaks down and two people decide break awaya personal process is opened for each one that can be very different.

There are some people for whom separation seems to be something organic, they turn the page and are more predisposed to the new.

But for others, even when the decision has been agreed upon, cutting a link costs them more time.

Long and deep personal processes can unleash frustrations. “Why can’t I still forget?”, “Why do I still miss him/her if surely he/she already went on with his/her life?”.

These questions are not as simple as they seem. Not always what we feel like missing someone has to do with continuing to love them.

Therefore, if you are about to call or write to your ex, first read these reasons with which you may be confused.


It is very common to confuse that you miss your ex because you still love him, with the habit. Routines, habits (even the ones we used to complain about) are hard to change. But not impossible. Maybe you miss someone being there, sleeping with someone else, having breakfast on a Sunday, or whatever. But you can do that later with another person, it is not exclusive to your ex, although now it may seem so.


Another of the false reasons for missing your ex is fear: fear of being alone, of failing, of the unknown, of the new, etc, etc. Faced with fear, we always seek refuge in the known, even though we rationally know that it is not good for us. But once you get past it you will feel more secure, and you will see that that wonder was rather an excuse of your ego not to leave the place of comfort.

lack of self love

Another thing that you can confuse with missing has to do with a lack of self-love. To better understand this think that what we deposit in the other is really a projection, a mirror. If we seek that the other constantly accepts us, loves us, cares for us, there is something that we are not doing personally first with ourselves. Once we achieve that self-love, we will not seek the other from necessity, but from desire, from choice.


It happens very often that when separating, memories of good times are enhanced. But sometimes that has more to do with an idealization than with a real surprise. And that idealization is what we want and imagine what it is like to be in a couple, what would make us happy. If we become aware of this, idealization can help us realize that we really want.


All people, psychologically speaking, are incomplete and we tend to look for someone to cover that lack in some way. But, when there is no other is when the anguish arises. And our oldest fears and insecurities appear. It is not easy to deal with that anguish, and in the search to calm it, perhaps you can return to your ex so that, at least for a moment, he will make you forget about it. But that’s not a genuine miss nor does it mean you still love him.

For all this, If you are still thinking about your ex, first take the time and space to be with you and feel if it is really from love or fear that you miss him.