Bad education or too much cowardice? Ghosting is here to stay around the world.
What is it about? Well, the term comes from the English “ghost” (ghost) and is basically the tendency to disappear from one moment to another. Without giving explanations, without saying hello, without facing the situation: simply disappearing like a ghost.
The worst of the case is that, although it is a very impolite practice, which is carried out with a partner and friends, it is increasingly common. In part, fostered by technology, which makes us hyperconnected but depersonalized at the same time.
How do we know if we have practiced it? Is it possible to kill her?
End a relationship without warning
The term ghosting was born as a way of describing the practice through which a person ends a relationship by simply disappearing. There is no “we have to talk” or “it’s not you, it’s me” that, although they hurt, allow us to face reality.
Nothing of that. Suddenly, your partner no longer answers your messages, does not speak to you, perhaps even closes social networks (or blocks you from them). And you, in your bewilderment, must understand that it is over. Without the chance to even say goodbye.
The worst thing about ghosting is that the person cannot grieve the same way as if they ended up with them. The process is longer, and the hope of a comeback remains in force much longer.
The one who leaves the party
Over time, the term has expanded, and today it is also used to talk about a common practice among friends (but no less impolite). The friend who does ghosting is the one who leaves the party or the meetings without saying goodbye.
Suddenly, someone wonders: “Where did he go…?”, and the answer is: well, he disappeared. Like a ghost.
Although it does not have the same degree of cruelty as the person who does not notify his partner that he has finished with her, the truth is that it is somewhat impolite, and that it has the same foundation.
It’s believing that you don’t need to face people, because what happens to them doesn’t matter. Simply, your desire to finish something in the quickest and least heavy way (for yourself) matters.
depersonalization
All this is given, according to Sherry Turkler, professor of Sociology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, because “with new technologies we have gotten used to getting rid of people simply by not responding.”
Although it seems that we are in the era in which there is greater communication, this is a bit of a fantasy. Yes, we communicate more, but not necessarily better.
Communication through screens has removed incredible barriers; but for many people, that ends up being an excuse to depersonalize the other. Not someone with feelings I can hurt, just another item on my contact list. It doesn’t matter how close they are or how many things they have lived together: they are all the same.
Turkler also warns that ghosting can have strong negative consequences. “When we’re treated like we can be ignored, we start to think that’s okay. At the same time, we treat others as people who don’t have feelings, so empathy starts to fade.”