Despite the fact that the world population is reaching the figure of eight billion, being born does not stop and will never stop being almost a miracle. The biological conditions that are needed for a pregnancy to occur are really precise and any change can end that pregnancy or simply never let life gestate in the womb.
Although it is still taboo for many, spontaneous abortions are more common than we think. This implies that there are thousands of families expecting a healthy baby in a few months and that dream is interrupted by the sad reality. Babies who are not born are said to be star babies or little angels, they live above us and although we don’t always see them, we know they are there forever.
The fact that it is relatively common for some pregnancies to go to term does not mean that the loss of a baby, which was expected with love, is not terribly painful. But after the storm comes the calm and with it often comes the rainbow. This analogy is used to talk about those babies that are born after the mother lost her first child. It is a difficult process, because it is impossible not to think about the person that the star baby could have been and there are even those who try to convince themselves that it is the same being with a second chance on Earth. But a “rainbow baby”, as they are called, is a child who comes to bring hope.
The arrival of a rainbow baby is full of ups and downs. On the one hand it means a new opportunity, a way to show that the love one had for a child can be completed, but on the other hand the depression of having lost a child makes it really difficult to deal with the situation. Many times the guilt and depression are there, plus no matter who arrives, the baby that did not arrive will never be forgotten.
That is why it is important to understand that rainbow babies do not come to supplant anyone. They should not be a test or a task, they are simply babies that arrive in a different light, they give a new meaning to motherhood and love. They create a new bond between a couple and are a new opportunity for their parents to offer the love they had to give.
The following story from a mother explains better than anyone what a rainbow baby means:
“When I lost my first son, Toby, complete darkness descended on me. He had an older daughter and people thought he should be happy that he at least had her, but he was my son, he loved him and wanted him. No one could choose which of his children to give up, why should it be any different? I had two babies, I wanted to be able to hold them both! My life was surrounded by pain, I never thought it possible that the world could suddenly change colors, it was like wearing dark and miserable glasses all the time. I struggled to find joy in anything. 6 months after losing Toby I found out she was pregnant again. I didn’t have the same happiness that I had with my first two pregnancies.
I still grieved for my son and aside from the inevitable worries, I also felt guilty that Toby thought I was replacing him. A rainbow pregnancy has so many mixed emotions, I couldn’t plan the birth of it because I knew I couldn’t bring it home. I loved the feel of his kicks, but I was petrified, each one would be the last. I knew he wouldn’t relax me until he was in my arms. Toby will never be replaced, but my rainbow baby, Joshua, left me to nurture and love a baby I truly longed for. He filled my days and gave me something to work with, but I knew the light he would bring would not have happened without the previous storm. As soon as I held my rainbow baby I understood the expression. Toby will never be replaced and I never wish he hadn’t existed. He changed my life in ways he could never imagine and now my rainbow baby is changing me even more. He has certainly helped me find my normalcy, but I will never stop regretting losing Toby.”
A mother’s love for her baby is infinite and although they may never have met each other’s eyes, that connection that is born from pregnancy can continue throughout life, even on other planes. Every child is unique, and if anyone knows it, it’s his mom.