How are you? either How are you? These are the typical questions that everyone turns to. break the ice when talking to someone.But they are also the most useless words in the world.
This is the opinion of Gary Burnison, CEO of the consulting firm Korn Ferry and author of a best-seller according to The New York Times where he shares guidelines for having a direct conversation.
The reason to banish the classic how are you It is quite obvious: few people usually answer honestly. And the answer, almost always banal, will leave little room for further discussion.
“What follows is a missed opportunity and a meaningless exchange with zero connection,” Burnison told CNBC.
For most, small talk may be a desperate thing to run away from and all you want at that event is to networking The one you need to go to is to have someone you know join you for a real chat or to have the perfect excuse to go home.
However, both when it comes to meeting friends and creating work contacts, many times the Most important relationships begin with casual conversation.
Be a as talking to strangers It doesn’t require years of training in public speaking or having a totally original style. Rather, it all comes down to tact and understanding. Showing interest, practicing active listening, and asking open-ended questions to get to know your interlocutor always works.
In fact, the Key to making the most of small talkaccording to Harvard researchers, is simply asking the other person follow-up questions. That’s the conclusion they came to after analyzing more than 300 conversations and finding that those who asked more follow-up questions questions were better suited to their conversation partners.
“According to this theoretical model, the effect of question asking on likability can be maintained only when people ask more follow-up questions, rather than other types of questions,” the authors state in the study.
They defined follow-up questions as “those that encourage the interlocutor to delve deeper into the content of his or her previous conversation turn.” These are only possible If an individual asks a question, listens to the answer and is interested in knowing more“which constitutes the definition of receptivity.”
Instead of starting with the classic how are you? either what do you do for a living?Burnison reveals 7 tactics to maintain a good conversation with a stranger.
1. Use the ACT trick to initiate a connection
Korn Ferry CEO advises breaking the ice with a question that sparks a conversation based on the ACT criteria:
- A: There is authenticity
- C: There is a connection
- T: There is a topic that will give an idea of who you are
For example, rather how are you? You can try with how are things going?“This last question demands information in a conversational way while the other requires a binary response of good or bad,” they point out from Indeed.
2. Go beyond current affairs
Talking about traffic, sports or the weather is a classic way for many people to talk, but it is unlikely to lead to a connection with anyone.
“It’s a horrible way to break the ice. There are some exceptions, like if it’s an interest of yours and your boss or coworker shares that passion,” Burnison says. “But try to go beyond those clichés to talk about things that are more important and personal to you”.
3. Observe the environment and take advantage of any clue
From an art painting on the wall to a motorcycle helmet or a photo on a desk, the environment you are in can give you clues to start a conversation in a different and unique way.
Burnison gives the example of talking to the CEO of a large, iconic company who is about to retire and you see boxes piled up around him.
“You could start by asking: ‘how difficult is it for you to leave this job?’ This will lead to a much deeper and emotionally revealing conversation“and it would never have happened if you hadn’t detected the presence of those boxes,” he says.
4. Share something that happened to you
Most people want to know more about each other, especially if you both work in the same company or industry. So use anything interesting that happened to you recently as a starting point.
“I adopted a dog over the weekend” or “My 6-year-old son rode a bike for the first time yesterday” are some of the examples the manager offers. The goal is to be original and not make something up. Otherwise, you might get caught.
5. Don’t wait to talk
The longer you wait to start a conversation, the more difficult things can become.
According to the author, by waiting you risk someone else saying what you wanted to say or being overshadowed by the more talkative: “You will get lost in the cross talk and your opportunity will slip away.”
6. It’s not just what you say
Don’t underestimate the power of your gestures. “Your tone of voice, your facial expression and your eye contact convey much more” than you think.
It is essential to look at the other person when you speak and to smile. Even on the phone, the latter will “make your voice sound warmer,” which will help others connect with you.
7. Find the time to bring up the topic that interests you
It’s time to take small talk to the next level and turn it into a fruitful conversation. Once the ice is broken, take advantage of any opportunity to bring up the topic that really interests you.
If you don’t say anything in those moments before a meeting starts, at that work event, or when you meet your boss in the elevator, “you run the risk of becoming invisible.”
It’s natural to feel intimidated but, When you make an effort to speak, “others listen to you and connect with you.”
Learn how we work at .
Tags: Psychology, Success, Leadership