Letter to a person who did not value your love

It happened to me too. After my last relationship ended, I went through a stage where I experienced all possible emotions: sadness, anger, disappointment, etc, etc. “Why don’t you love me?” “Why don’t you value everything I do, everything I am?” It was a long and painful process too. It’s always hard to part with someone we learned to be with. Positive things, over time, grow; and the negative ones seem to be minimized. But for some reason that relationship came to an end, didn’t it? And although that does not rule out the possibility of a future meeting at some time or place, all the learning we experience needs to be assimilated to grow and move forward towards a new love.

That is why, after all this time, I wrote Pablo a letter and today I share it with you as well, hoping that it can help you understand that even what you see as the end of the world is a new beginning!

Love, Pablo, “life” (as I liked to call you):

Almost a year has passed since we said goodbye that time at the door of the house. I still remember seeing you from behind getting in the car with your boxes full of plans. I thought that would be the last time I’d see you like this. And it was. Life, destiny or chance, wanted us not to cross paths again. I would be lying to you if I said that I secretly never expected to see you by chance and hold you tight. I still miss those hugs.

That day you left I felt that the world (or rather, my world) was falling apart. My chest has never hurt so much. I cried as if she was a girl again who had just hit herself riding a bike and there is no candy that will make her forget her pain. Like that broken cry that is a mixture of moaning, anger, helplessness. Because I would have wanted to keep trying deep down. Because I would have wanted more with you, much more.

I do not want to lie to you. I hated you for a long time. It filled me with anger that you didn’t know how to value the love I had for you, the things I feel I did for both of us, what I changed. I expected a lot from you, that’s true. Above all I expected a love of those who take care of you because they know you’re worth gold. I loved your freedom, yes. I love your independence. I loved you, and a lot. That’s what I thought, that’s what I always felt. But today I realize that I did not love you as I thought. Because he still needed to learn something even more important.

During this time I understood that the deepest and most sincere love is the one I have for myself. Fidelity, sincerity, unconditionality can only be expected from me. I learned to be my best companion, my friend, the one who knows what makes me laugh, the one who knows what is good for me when I feel bad, what song I enjoy when I wake up… And all that I knew, or that I learned again from me this time, thank you.

Because feeling that you didn’t value me was the first step to return to me, to understand and embrace everything that I am. It was the kick to ask myself if I was really loving myself enough, if I was really accepting who I am. Deciding to walk away was understanding that I deserved a different love than the one we had, the one I also built.

Today I feel that having felt that you did not value me enough gave me the boost I needed to be more me. For this reason, today, one year after that day you put your boxes together, no longer rancor, but with that bitter taste that goodbyes always give me, I am writing to thank you for having shown me what I needed to see. Today I feel that I have grown and I hope that from wherever you are, you have also grown, and that this has been the best for both of us.

I will always love you and wish you the best, anything else would be impossible for me. After all, this is life, isn’t it? Accept, let go and move on. I will always carry with me everything I learned. Thanks.

I hug you,

You Vera.