There is no person who has not felt love at some time, in any of its forms: partner, friendship, family, self-love, animals, or any other. For this reason, surely everyone knows that when we really feel a deep and sincere bond with someone we want to share time with him/her, and take care of him/her as if hers were a treasure.
But love has its nuances. Not everything is rosy. There are bonds that can be maintained over time out of habit, out of fear, or out of emotional dependence. And that, in the end, ceases to be love. Attachment is the name of that relationship that is sustained only by fear and habit. Because the most sincere and mature is the one who can transcend these barriers, especially that of attachment, and continue to evolve in a truer and deeper way.
How to learn to differentiate it? Check these tips so that your relationship is based on real love, and not on the one in the movies that, although it looks nice, can take away your freedom and not make you as happy as you want.
1. Attachment is selfish. Love, selfless.
If you really love someone, you want the other to be happy, even if that means making decisions, or a path that you don’t want for yourself. If you love, you do not want to keep the other in a secret box, you sincerely want him to unfold his full potential, grow and achieve his dreams. Selfish attachment only seeks to keep the other at any cost because he “needs” it; even if that means “clipping his wings” so that he doesn’t walk away.
2. Attachment controls; love, liberate
Unlike what often happens, love is by definition free. That means that no one can tie the other forever; the bond is a choice that can only be made in freedom. But it often happens that due to insecurities or fear of abandonment or failure, love becomes control, and that can lead to a toxic bond that is difficult to break.
3. Attachment hinders; love promotes growth
Being emotionally dependent on the other means that all the decisions we want to make, even the most everyday and small ones, are conditioned by what the other says or does. And that, over time, can stop growth or even serve as an excuse for not encouraging us to take the step we want to grow. A true love is the one that accompanies growth, supports and leaves free space for the other to make their own way. Because the key to maintaining a healthy bond over time is to accompany each other, not drown.
4. Love can be eternal; attachment, passenger
To say that there is “love forever” does not mean that what we know as falling in love lasts forever in time. If not that true love, the deepest feeling towards another, can be maintained over time. There are friends, siblings or even ex-partners who, even if they do not see each other or are physically separated, want the other to be happy, and can still love him, in a sense very different from attachment. On the contrary, emotional dependence leads to grudges, anger, frustrations. And those, after all, are emotions that have an expiration date.
5. Love lowers the ego; attachment, power
If we have an attachment to someone, we want it for ourselves, we want to keep it, not lose it; Or, we put the responsibility of our own fears or frustrations on him. That, after all, what it does is boost our ego, and enhance our insecurity. On the contrary, love is recognizing mistakes, learning to be less selfish and growing while leaving the other free.
Alarm phrases to detect attachment:
- “You don’t make me happy”
- “You never give ME what I want”
- “I can not live without you”
- “What would I do without you?”
- “I need you”
- “You don’t complete ME”
- “If you love me, do it”
- “If you love me, don’t, stay with me”