Perhaps you have heard of the book “The Four Agreements”; or you have read or seen phrases on social networks. In any case, you will find in it valuable rrecommendations for life to work better in all areas: family, friends, relationships, work, abundance, health and well-being in general.
From my perspective, it is valuable material, deep and easy to understand, although challenging to put into practice. In my experience, it has taken me over ten years of training that is still going on.
Miguel Ángel Ruiz (1952) is a Mexican author, writer and speaker of spirituality texts and topics, influenced by another great author and thinker, the Peruvian anthropologist Carlos Castaneda (died 1998).
His most influential work is The Four Agreements, which are based on what Ruiz transmits as Toltec wisdom, a pre-Columbian culture that dominated the northern Mexican highlands between the 10th and 12th centuries. The original edition was published in 1997 and has sold more than 4 million copies.
The value of the four agreements
Depending on where you look at it, the four agreements are expressed in a very simple way, and very profound at the same time.
This double perspective allows the person who is looking for answers to some of their dilemmas in life to find them in simple and entertaining language; and whoever seeks to go deeper will find many levels to continue diving.
The four agreements are:
Be impeccable with your words.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t guess or assume.
Always do the most, the best you can.
As I always share, the key is to go beyond reading a book: it is about putting it into daily practice at all times.
FIRST AGREEMENT: BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORDS
Words create states of consciousness; and these determine your thoughts, which, in turn, manifest in the results.
Beyond your language, culture and experiences, it is the language you use that shapes the way you represent the world to yourself. Your ideas, desires, goals, purposes; your relationships, bonds and gifts. Everything is manifested through the word.
As you know, they can build huge dreams and benefits for humanity; or destroy with their load of fear, resentment, frustration, anger and ill-intentioned opinions. This means that the words are not innocent, and are loaded with meaning.
The word “impeccability” means that you don’t do things that go against you. Being impeccable is assuming your personal responsibility; fulfill each and every one of your commitments (starting with the ones you assume with yourself, and then with the others); and, at the same time, channel the gift of speech in a constructive and positive way.
For example, engaging in gossip, in aggressive opinion on social networks, does not produce any virtuous results: on the contrary, you let enormous amounts of your vital energy leak through what you say, write and even when you think of ideas through of the words you put.
What you think (and what you say, that is, what you declare) is what you become.
To incorporate the first agreement: talk less and do more. Exceed your own expectations regarding the fulfillment of your commitments. Take care of your thoughts. Evaluate before you speak. Listen 70% and speak only 30%. Seek to have more precision in your language to adequately express all your ideas. Avoid hurting and focus on elevating and adding value in your interactions with others. Eliminate all aggressive communication from your life.
SECOND AGREEMENT: DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONAL
Most people assume that everything that happens is designed for them; in favor or oppossing. In the issues in favor, there is no major problem: everything fits. The matter begins when people feel that everything that happens or happens to them, the facts of the world and their environment, are “against them”. “The world is against me,” they say to themselves.
Can you imagine then what happens? Indeed: it seems that the world begins to shoot thick ammunition on said person.
However, it is the ego of the people that produces anger, frustration, and great emotional exhaustion when trying to fight against the opinions and situations of the world that can poison your life.
Everything starts from the fact that the ego wants to give you airs of greater importance; Therefore, if you show yourself excessively focused on the opinion of others, you unconsciously create a certain dependency on the approval (or not) of the other. In this way you will be trapped in that emotion that you yourself have generated.
Feeling like the center of the world is called in many ways: egocentrism, selfishness, arrogance. They are nuances of the same expression when you do and think that everything revolves around you.
When Miguel Ruiz, in The Four Agreements, states “Do not take anything personally”, it means that this step will be crucial to feel like a free beingoutside of the domestication of education, dogmas and social and cultural conditioning that you drag in your life.
This point is not about accepting everything without being shocked, but about understanding that the problem appears when you give entity to “that” that the other party says or does, and you let your emotions get unbalanced.
For example, when you are offended by nothing, you react in ways that are generally inappropriate, even exaggerated. This arises from wanting to be right instead of choosing to be happy.
Seen in another way, every time you want to change someone’s opinion or behavior, you get frustrated, because you can hardly change yourself: it is impossible to change the other person if that other being does not want to. In any case, it could change at the rate of his evolution.
This principle of wisdom that the author transmits invites you to stop taking things literally, and to see that it is not necessary to fight all the battles. You can choose which ones to assume to exchange positions, defend ideas that you consider appropriate and express what you think, always from your perspective, and without taking as personal what the other says or does.
This second agreement is the one that causes much of the suffering in life, since, in general, you are too sensitive to everything they say or do around you. Now you know: assuming a greater perspective of situations and issues -even those that directly involve you-, you will not be able to get emotionally attached, respect the positions of others. This does not necessarily imply justifying them; although it is possible to understand them from a completely different and inclusive perspective for your well-being. From this place you will radiate the same around you.
To incorporate this second agreement: learn from differences with others; integrates and respects the decisions of others. Understands that the other is “an other” with their own problems, beliefs and difficulties. If something bothers you, find the appropriate space and express it clearly from your perspective (taking ownership of your communication, not blaming others). Do not seek to impose your wishes over the opinions of others. Always consider the greater good of all in any situation. Avoid living from the ego: learn about compassion, humility, conscious listening, and open-mindedness to live better experiences. This will help you to have more peace in all aspects.
THIRD AGREEMENT: DON’T GUESS OR ASSUME
Another source of inner discomfort, extreme emotionality, destruction of your self-esteem and value, and deterioration of your personal power, is living making assumptions.
How many times have you spent days, months or years thinking about issues that had nothing to do with the reality of things? How many times have you magnified a challenge within yourself, and when you faced it, it was completely different from how you had imagined it? And, in another aspect: have you met people to whom you have only given five or ten seconds to discard them from your life?
All this happens because you suppose more than what you allow yourself to live the experiences to confirm your formed and sustained perception.
Assuming something, in terms of having a hunch or hunch, is not the problem: the issue is when you believe it is true, even without having checked it or observed it in perspective, or collated any information.
When you assume, you start from the wrong base, because you believe in advance and assume that you have the absolute truth about something. What’s more: you stop distinguishing what is a presumption, to the point of assuming that something is real… without even having checked or experienced it.
The process of assuming is unconscious and is part of the brain’s cognitive biases. A bias is a shortcut your brain process takes trying to find an escape route or quick fix. It is usually based on a quick impulse whereby you associate information based on your life experience, and connect it with that current situation, rushing to take the shortcut (bias) to draw quick conclusions. As you can see, this does not bring a certain result, since you start from the wrong places and want to control situations by trying to precipitate them at the speed at which your emotional dynamics demand it.
To incorporate this agreement: ask more questions, be patient, reflect, connect better with other people. Avoid assuming by applying active listening and assertive communication. Relay the facts, cool your emotions for at least three days before acting compulsively.
FOURTH AGREEMENT: ALWAYS DO THE MAXIMUM, THE BEST YOU CAN
When we talk about “being the best version of yourself”, it means that you will begin to live your life in a way that makes sense to you, and that, in turn, you can transform your environment based on your actions.
This agreement proposes that you move towards the trait of excellence. Many people seek perfection in themselves and in the world: that does not exist on this physical plane. So we can aspire to be excellent.
Being an excellent person is more than being impeccable; it means continually expressing in all aspects of life your highest commitment to the total quality of your thoughts, words, and actions.
Doing your best is getting out of your familiar zone, to expand a little further, feeding yourself with energy to reach a higher level of excellence in everything you do.
Doing your best is always giving your 100%. 99.9% is not one hundred percent of what you can give. There is a difference.
When you have the belief that you are “The Lone Ranger” or “Robin Hood” in a highly unequal world and you feel alone, remember that if each one of us does our part by trying our best, it would take a very short time for this planet to transform in a positive way.
All that is required of you is that you do your best, always and everywhere and at all times. It’s giving a little more than usual. It’s getting out of the comfort of downplaying things and doing them quickly to get rid of them. It is making a conscious choice to be a better person every second of life.
To incorporate this agreement: practice giving a little more each day; make an effort in those aspects that you need to improve. Get inspired by people who have already done it: there are millions of sources of information available. Talk to people who are exemplary from your perspective. Learn from biographies, uplifting movies and…