We all know what it’s like to feel ashamed. Each of us has stories of humiliation and shame, product of having made a mistake in front of other people. Maybe you misused a word and were corrected in front of others, maybe you tripped on the street, or maybe you greeted someone who turned out not to be who you thought they were.
If you’re easily embarrassed, new research may help you reduce distress around situations that used to make you very uncomfortable. It’s as easy as putting yourself in the other person’s place every time something is happening to you. Follow this guide and you will see how you will feel better:
have empathy
Imagine that you are in a group conversation and someone uses a word incorrectly. How much would you judge her? Probably not as much as that person is judging themselves.
The person who is ashamed tends to focus entirely on himself when things go wrong. She experiences what the researchers call “empathy forgetting,” that is, she forgets to take into account the great empathy that observers have for someone in an embarrassing situation.
You also won’t realize, unless you take an outside perspective, that other people often don’t even notice embarrassing mistakes.
An effective reaction to the feeling of shame is therefore to immediately imagine the incident from the perspective of an observer. Remember the empathy you have when you see someone else make a mistake and apply it to yourself.
If you are one of those people who really hate being the center of attention, the above advice may not work so well for you. Some individuals (generally those who tend to experience a lower percentage of embarrassing situations) feel more embarrassed when taking an observer’s point of view. This is because they suddenly think they are in the spotlight, and that makes them uncomfortable.
If you’re not one to be easily embarrassed, keep doing whatever you’re doing, because it’s working for you. But tell all your more timid friends to try this mind trick every time they feel their cheeks start to redden: Turn the situation around and imagine yourself witnessing what’s happening.
You should feel an increase in empathy, and a reduction in distress.
Sources:
Psychology Today