science can say feel angry it is totally normal, psychologists advise us to express our anger, and some religions even speak of righteous anger. Buddhism, on the other hand, says that anger is always inadvisable.
The 8th century Buddhist scholar, Shantidevadescribed anger as the most extreme negative force, one with the ability to destroy the good we worked so hard to create.
The Buddha advises us not to suppress our emotions or allow them to overwhelm us, but to analyze them and come to understand the wrong thinking behind the anger.
But what can we do with it? There are some simple methods to help us transform our mind. Follow these tips and learn how to deal with anger.
This is life “Samsara“
We are born and we die. In the meantime, we will have good times and bad times, and times when we probably won’t feel anything at all: this endless cycle is what Buddhism calls “samara”.
When we understand our own situation in the samara, we can also understand the situation of everyone else. Getting angry with others, with situations and with ourselves, will not improve anything. This way of thinking can radically transform our perspective. Even though each of us seems to be the center of our own universe, that doesn’t mean everything has to turn out exactly the way we want it to.
Be patient and cut your own anger
It is impossible for our mind to hold two opposing emotions simultaneously. We can’t yell at a person and be patient with them at the same time, it just doesn’t work. Patience is considered by many as a sign of weakness, with which we allow others to take advantage of us and get what they want. However, reality is sometimes not what it seems. Following our emotions wherever they lead us doesn’t make us heroes, it makes us weak. So the next time you’re about to lose your mind, better be patient and cut your own anger.
How? We could try to take a deep breath the moment we notice that we are tense. We can count slowly to avoid saying things we will later regret. Or, if we are in a direct confrontation, we can choose to withdraw before the situation gets out of hand. Each case is different, so we will need to use our brains to see which is the best option.
Be realistic, analyze the situation
Anger causes us stress, anguish, loss of sleep and appetite. If we stay angry with someone for a long time, it creates a long-term impression on others.
When we are accused of something and we feel that the knot of defending ourselves begins to affect us physically, we have to stop and think rationally. There are only two options: the accusation is true or it is false. If it is true, why should we be angry? If we want to be mature adults we should admit it, learn from it and move on with our lives. If it’s not true, why should we be angry? The person made a mistake, is it something that has never happened to us?
Meditation practices and mindfulness can be extremely beneficial in combating anger
Meditation familiarizes our mind with positive thoughts: patience, love and compassion. It is something we can do anywhere, anytime. If we spend half an hour of our commute listening to our favorite music, the least we can do is spend 10 minutes of that time generating thoughts of loving kindness towards others, something that is effective in reducing anger and becoming a person who others want to be close.
Give in and you will learn from your enemy
Buddhism often teaches us to do the exact opposite of what we would normally do. It sounds crazy, but think of the object of your anger as your teacher. If we want to improve, if we want to be more patient, more loving, kind and happy people, then we need to practice. If we are always surrounded by people who do and accept everything we want, we will never have any challenges.
In this way, the person we are angry with becomes extremely precious and gives us a chance to really practice patience. This immediately stops the rising tide of angry feelings, because it changes our perspective, from what they have done to us to what they are now doing for us.
Remember death and relieve discomfort
When the person we can’t stand does something that really bothers us, stop and think, “When I’m on my deathbed, will this matter?” The answer will probably be a resounding “no”. This little tip is very simple, but it helps alleviate many of life’s little annoyances.
When we focus on our ultimate future death, many of the things that would normally drive us crazy literally become nothing. It is not that they no longer bother us, but that we recognize that there is no point in wasting our precious time, breath and energy on them.
We reap what we sow: Karma
Everything we experience, from the most incredibly happy moments to the depths of despair, arises from causes. These causes do not fall out of nowhere into our laps, but are created by ourselves. So when we are experiencing a terrible situation, instead of letting anger take over, we can stop and think: where is this coming from? And do I want to make it worse?
Karma refers to our compulsive way of acting, reacting to things in the same old way we always have. If we understand how karma works we will see that we have the ability to change our future experiences with what we do now, and that means practicing patience when anger arises.
Emptiness is the antidote
While patience can be the direct antidote to anger, emptiness is the strongest antidote, not only to anger, but to all of our problems and difficulties. In fact, no matter how patient we are, if we have not understood emptiness or emptiness, problems will continue to rain down on us like an Indian monsoon.
When we begin to analyze reality, our perspective changes radically. We will see that there was never anything we could point to as what we were angry with.
Sources:
StudyBuddhism
Health180