If you’ve been wanting to get a partner for a while but you still can’t, you should know that you’re not the only person in that situation. Thousands and thousands are looking for tips on how to have a stable relationship every day, and they may even follow them to the letter.
However, they still can’t find that special someone and they get frustrated. Worst? That the more frustrated you feel, the more it may cost you to get someone.
You may already know this, but many things influence these issues. Among them, your attitude towards what you want to achieve.
Maybe you can’t find a partner because you fit into one of these cases:
1. You have too high expectations
Since we have the use of reason, we have been sold that love is a fairy tale. Disney, Hollywood, literature and TV have made us believe that there is a perfect person for us there, somewhere, and that it is only a matter of finding him.
That can lead you to reject people you could be in a relationship with, simply because they don’t fit your “prince/princess” mold.
I am very sorry to have to tell you this, but there is no such thing as a perfect person. There are people whom we can love and with whom we can have a beautiful relationship, despite the fact that sometimes some of their flaws bother us.
If you want to have a stable relationship, having too high expectations can work against you.
2. Low self-esteem
In other cases, it may happen the other way around than in the first. Instead of believing that no one is too good for you, you believe that you are not too good for anyone.
If you have low self-esteem and think that no one can notice you, you will most likely not do anything to make it happen. If you just sit there, doing nothing, waiting for someone to come, it will never happen. And while nothing happens, you feel worse and worse and you become more convinced that you are not enough.
Remember this: you are a wonderful person. Do you have flaws? Of course! We already said above that we all have them! But you can be the best match for someone, as long as you give yourself the chance.
3. You are afraid
Many people do not manage to find a partner because, deep down, they are afraid of doing so. Fear does not always take the same forms, and on many occasions the difficulty in finding a partner starts there, in a subconscious fear that you cannot identify.
Some of the most common fears that prevent you from getting a partner are:
- Fear of compromise
- Fear to fail
- fear of suffering
- fear of growing up
4. You don’t really want a partner.
Many people believe that they need a partner to do some things. Society has made us believe that we cannot be alone, especially women: traveling alone is dangerous, living alone is boring, a woman can only fulfill herself when she marries and becomes a mother.
Then you may feel that you need to find a partner, but in reality you do not feel that much. Think about it for a moment, do you really want to be with someone? Or are you just looking for a partner because you feel like that will entitle you to certain things you want to do?
If it is the second option, the best recommendation is: go out and live life and stop looking for a partner right now! Chances are, while doing what you want to do, your life will intersect with someone who wants the same thing as you.
5. Extreme shyness
It is also possible that it is difficult for you to find a partner because you are an extremely shy person, who is always worried about what others will think.
Since you can’t stand the criticism that destabilizes you, you end up walking away from any situation that could expose you. That includes meeting potential partners.
But the truth is that if you take care of yourself so much, you won’t achieve anything either. You know what they say: he who does not risk, he does not win.
6. You feel that having a partner will ruin another aspect of your life
Maybe you want to have a partner but you feel that getting one is going to limit some aspect of your life. That you will no longer be able to dedicate so many hours to your vocation, that you will not be able to make that trip alone that you have planned, or that you will not be able to go out partying with your friends anymore.
But the question does not go through there, but by the type of partner you are looking for. A healthy relationship should be based on freedom and the possibility of sharing with the other without losing one’s own independence.
If you understood that a partner can also be that, then perhaps you would be encouraged to find one.
7. It’s not time yet
If you feel that none of the above identifies you, then I’m sorry to tell you that the answer is probably the one you don’t want to hear: it may not be the time yet.
Believe me that things come when they should come, and there is no turning back. Maybe this is your time to focus on yourself and enjoy what you like. The partner will come when you really need to let her into your life.
And you, why do you think it is difficult for you to find a partner?
Sources:
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Collective Culture