There is a weapon that manipulators and toxic people use very often: attacking the self-esteem of the person next to them. They know that lowering another’s self-esteem is the most efficient way to get them to act on their wishes.
Therefore, a trait that characterizes manipulators is to use some (or all) of these phrases often:
1. “You are being dramatic”
When a manipulator has done something that has hurt your feelings and you hold it against them, they will surely use this phrase. “You’re being dramatic”, “You’re exaggerating” or “it’s not that big a deal” are different ways of making you believe that it’s really all in your head.
Remember: if something has hurt you, you are not being dramatic.
2. “You don’t know what you’re talking about”
It is a common phrase that manipulators will use to show that they are smarter than you and therefore you should listen and obey them.
Making you doubt your convictions by telling you that you have no idea about something will lower your self-esteem and make you more vulnerable to their desires.
3. “It’s your fault”
A manipulator will also try to attack your self-esteem by making you feel guilty about everything that happens around you.
It is that guilt is a powerful tool; If you feel guilty for having hurt someone, you will surely try to do everything to “pay off” that debt.
The manipulators know this and that is why after making you feel guilty, they will surely ask for something in return.
4. “You are being insecure”
Manipulative people generally act this way because, deep down, they are very insecure. They need to control others to feel that they are worth something.
But projecting that insecurity onto you increases their own self-esteem to the detriment of yours. And, in addition, they will cause you to believe it in the long term, and leave important decisions in their hands.
5. “I don’t want to be a friend/partner of a person who…..”
If something in your attitude or behavior does not please a person who loves you in a healthy way, they will probably find ways to solve it. He will let you know in a friendly way if he thinks it benefits you, or he will take a deep breath because he accepts you as you are.
Instead, a manipulator will try to get you to behave the way they want. Therefore, when you do not do it, you can launch phrases like this in the form of a threat or ultimatum. “If you do something like that again, I’ll leave you”, “I’m not going to see you again if you keep having that attitude”, “Choose: such a thing or me”.
Manipulators and toxic people will always be limiting you, threatening you, setting limits for you. When you see that in a friend or partner, you should keep in mind that it is not true affection.
6. “You are an idiot”
The previous phrases are the most common that you will hear a manipulator say, but in extreme moments, this type of person will not hesitate to be aggressive.
Once they have already undermined your self-esteem, they will be direct, since they will have left you without weapons to defend yourself. “Loser”, “useless”, “idiot” and other insults will be common currency.
Remember that verbal violence is still violence, and if someone you trust has reached this point of aggressiveness, you should get away as soon as possible.
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