By: Daniel Colombo
Yes, I have big ears; rather, more outings than what is socially accepted according to certain beauty standards. That’s why since I was little they called me “eared”, “Dumbo” and even at school they gave me quick pinches with their fingers. Has it made me complex? Yes, in childhood and adolescence. Although as an adult I have learned to let go of this and other complexes.
For example, if you think you’re not good enough, cute, nice, skinny, smart or whatever it is that affects you, chances are that’s how others perceive you too, because what we are inside we project outwards.
Sometimes people develop a lack of inner confidence and insecurities because we carry complexes from childhood.
In general, between the time we are born and the age of six or seven, we tried to fit in the best possible way in the environment in which we live and, by not finding the right way, we suffered and over-adapted, even at the cost of having a complex about what we the others said and the jokes about those aspects -what we know today as “bulling”-.
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5 ways to eliminate your complexes
We all have complexes and insecurities; It is something typical of the human being. The good news is that you can choose how to deal with these internal perceptions and master them.
You have two options: you continue with those complexes that torment you, or you assume them and incorporate them into your singularity.
In this article I share the five keys to achieve it and have a life free of complexes, from practical experience; I hope they serve you.
You may also be interested: The 15 ways not to make your life bitter in front of the world news
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1 – Know your own worth
Acknowledgment is re-knowing yourself, getting to know yourself from the inside and accepting yourself as you are. If you live feeling that you don’t deserve yourself the way you are, you can start by understanding your own worth.
No one is 100% perfect, simply because perfection is not a human trait. So there is no need to put more pressure on yourself to seek perfection.
Instead, you can focus on accepting the flaws that make you self-conscious, and focus specifically on the aspects that you could improve.
For example, if you have a physical impairment according to the canon of beauty or stereotypes of the world, you will live comparing yourself with that mirror, for which you will feel anguish and subject yourself to the gaze of others.
I recommend you change your perspective: look at your points of beauty, appreciate your differences, accept your complexes, work on them through self-knowledge and self-acceptance, and you will see how that tyrannical look towards you loses power, and, consequently, it will harmonize everything external that comes to you.
when you feel unsafety It’s easy to try to be something you’re not in order to fit in or make others happy. You pretend and act inauthentic, and therefore, in the long run, you will feel more dissatisfaction and inner unhappiness.
When you are not faithful to yourself, it feels internally like a betrayal: a betrayal of your essence and your nature.
Here appears the behavior of over-demand and over-adaptation to situations in accordance with the expectations of others. That is why it is possible that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to please everyoneexcept you.
If you want to be faithful it is important that you feel comfortable with who you are. It can help to ask yourself questions about your core values, which are the pillars that define you. And also about what aspects of your personality are important.
When you manage to reconcile your values with your personality, you will be able to connect a more authentic way of being and in accordance with your inner feeling, without paying all your attention to the gaze of others.
Remember that it is not about despising or ignoring other people, but about expressing your most authentic being to live in peace inside. And this is priceless.
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3 – Celebrate your uniqueness.
Insecurities are usually linked to the feeling that you are not special or that you do not stand out, or that you are the odd person in the group, or that your physical condition gives you a complex.
In reality, no one is identical to you. That’s why you are a unique and unrepeatable being. Your fingerprints, your way of expressing love, your tastes and your personality are special and make you who you are.
It is at these points that you can begin to celebrate your uniqueness, without being ashamed of it.
You may have heard the phrase “What you resist persists”: it means that if you try to suppress your complexes, you will make them stronger. Instead, by accepting your quirks you will be able to manage your insecurities more quickly.
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4 – Recognize that your feelings are real but temporary.
Your feelings are real, even though they are temporary. They are not permanent and they are not always precise, because you ‘distort’ yourself in the internal mirror in which you observe yourself, from the perspective of your complexes.
When you’re fighting insecurities, you’re going into opposition to who you really are, and in that instance it’s easy to get lost in negative thoughts about who you are. You may think that you are not worthy of being loved or that you are incapable of achieving your goals, or that you are rejected for this or that issue of your complexes.
Actually, the reason may be a self-rejection that you do to yourself, and that generates that external impact. They say that we are usually our own worst enemies.
An excellent technique that I have practiced to work with temporary negative feelings, and to accept the process of transformation from the inside out, are positive affirmations.
The affirmations are short, positive phrases that allow you to visualize yourself in the situation that you are already accepting yourself as you are, and that your complexes have vanished.
It is not a question of pure suggestion, but of reprogramming your subconscious mind -where feelings and emotions are generated- and thus, begin to change that negative perception for others that help you put aside your complexes.
Another surprising note! Discover how people evolve and how much the environment changes us in the process
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5 – Learn to love what you cannot change
As you work to overcome your insecurities, it’s important to recognize that you have no control over everything around you.
You cannot change certain aspects of your life, no matter how much you wanted to. What is is.
You can’t change the fact that you’re only left-handed or that you were born with curly hair.
You cannot change the fact that you have experienced a traumatic event in your past.
You can’t change the fact that you don’t fit into the cultural norms of what is considered an attractive or desirable body type.
What you can do, and it depends only on you, is resignify: give a new meaning to those experiences, loving even what you don’t like about yourself.
I know that it can be shocking to read it, although it is the main way to assume that there will be things that we will not modify: the only thing that we can do is vary the internal perspective.
One way to start it from this very moment is to repeat this world-renowned prayer daily:
(Adapt it according to your beliefs): “Lord, grant me serenity to accept everything that I cannot change, courage to change what I am capable of changing, and wisdom to understand the difference.”
Give it a try – you’ve lived with complexes this far. Perhaps if you do it by following these five ideas that don’t cost you a penny, you can free yourself from them and start enjoying a fuller life, in acceptance and well-being.