A mother and a father. One or two children. Always smiling and playing. This is how families are often portrayed in advertising and the media. But in truth this is far from reality. The family itself is a social institution and its structure is highly variable. There are homoparental families; others where there is only one father or one mother; others who choose not to have children; etc etc.
That “every family is a world” is not just a saying. Each forms its own particular bonds and contracts that might be foreign to any other. But having the image of the perfect family is an unreal idealization that can lead to many frustrations. Sometimes families, in fact, are not as positive as it is believed for the formation of some people; that will depend on each particular situation. But for now you should know that nothing real is perfect.
What things happen only in royal families?
1. Defined roles
In each family, as well as within groups of friends, there are different roles that people assume, often unconsciously. For example, the role of “protector”, “problem”, “responsible”, “lazy”, etc, etc. It is not necessarily occupied by those who would be socially expected: for example, sometimes the protector may be a child and not the father. This is particular to each family, but the roles that are assumed and put into practice will undoubtedly affect the way each person is, and especially, their way of bonding with others; since family ties will always be the primary ones, those through which we learn to be in the world.
If you perceive this in your family, it is not that it is from another planet. On the contrary, it is part of the dynamics of a royal family. You should only work on your own roles if you feel they limit or affect you in any way.
2. Distances
In families, as in any other bond, it is normal that as the years go by and people grow up and make their own life decisions, some distances arise. Perhaps we don’t feel as much affinity anymore or we simply choose to spend more time in other circles, or rather alone. And this does not have to be a sign of a problem in the family. Sometimes, on the contrary, it may be necessary to distance yourself to see things from another perspective. For example, this is very normal when we are teenagers and suddenly discover that our family is not as ideal as we would like. The authority figure of our parents collapses and we only seek to differentiate ourselves. Taking emotional distance at this stage is functional for one’s own independence.
3. Conflict
There is no bond without conflict. It is normal to have differences, especially if we have a very strong, intimate bond or if we even live together. So if you have some arguments or differences with your family, this happens to almost every person in the world. Many times we get angry because our family is not what we wanted or did not do what we believe today would have helped us to be better. But the important thing is to be able to transcend this, and work on one’s own subjectivity to de-construct those structures and take control of the life we want for ourselves.
4. Own dynamics
Each family has its own dynamics. There are some for whom Sunday lunches cannot be postponed; others who travel every Christmas; others that are called every week by phone in videoconference; etc; etc. Each one has its own characteristics and rules that may seem absurd to anyone else. Sometimes breaking the dynamics can mean chaos in the family. But if the majority agrees with this need, sooner or later a new dynamic will emerge. And this is part of the evolution of the bond itself.
5. Secrets
In a family, not everything is sincerity or rosy. Sometimes there are things that are hidden or prefer to keep quiet. Perhaps they are things of the past, events that they consider best forgotten, or other issues that some try to sweep under the rug. Families, like all people, also have dark areas. But sometimes they are more in the light than they seem; It’s just that it’s not always a pleasant thing to look at them honestly.
All these issues make royal families very different from those you can see in the advertisements on the streets. And although we all find a bit of these things in our families, the best thing is that you can work on them to see which are the schemes that you have learned and have incorporated, select which ones you want to keep and which ones need to be transformed into something better.