Whether you’ve been dreaming about your wedding day your entire life or you’ve never considered getting married until you met your partner, it can be difficult to know when you’re ready to tie the knot.
April Eldemire, a marriage and family therapist practicing in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, has said that There are relationships that “work when they move full steam ahead and decide to get married from the start”but it takes most people some time to determine if they should be together for life.
Rather than focusing on a strict period of time together, Eldemire has explained to Business Insider the five signs to look for to know if you are ready to get married.
1. You’ve passed the infatuation period
Most couples go through a honeymoon stage that can last anywhere from a couple of months to over a year. Even if it lasts longer, according to Eldemire, it is crucial to get through this phase and be able to distinguish between infatuation and true, deep feelings of love and commitment.
“A sign of falling in love can be feeling like you can’t live without the person, but those thoughts consume you,” she said. “You might sacrifice your own values and needs, giving up everything for the relationship.”
Breaking the honeymoon bubble can be unpleasant, but The first fights together provide vital information about what a future life may be like.
“Typically, the challenges couples face early on are the ones that will never change,” she says. “You just have to manage them.” That’s when you have to decide if you can live with those flaws and disagreements.
2. You are emotionally mature enough to deal with fights
Eldemire has stressed that Emotional maturity is an important part of overcoming tense conversations without damaging the bond. as you experience conflict in your relationship.
She said that this involves “being able to process what is really happening to you and understand what the triggers are in a relationship.”
For some people, this process will involve looking at past hurts to see if they affect how they react in arguments and reduce the likelihood of shutting down or blaming the other person.
3. They can be vulnerable with each other
It is not enough to know the triggers: you also have to be able to share them. Eldemire says that Vulnerability is really important for any successful relationship.especially for a long and happy marriage.
“Can you be open and honest about how you feel, or do you just get angry really quickly or shut down?” she asked.
You don’t have to be an expert at verbalizing your exact feelings all the time.
Eldemire says that even if your first instinct is to shut down, you can say something like, “I feel like there’s a lot of criticism coming my way, and that’s a big trigger for me to want to shut down, but this is really what I feel.”
Be able to identify and Talk about deep insecurities rather than relying on protective strategies To confront them is a sign of real closeness, he says.
4. You have the same goals and core values in life
Even if you have amazing communication skills, there are some things you can’t solve by talking, for example if you want completely different things in life.
“Compatibility is really important – make sure you have those shared values, beliefs, interests and hobbies,” Eldemire advises.
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While no couple should be an exact replica of the other person, They should be on the same page on some important life decisions like having children or not.as well as the things they like to do with their time.
“What is your moral compass?” she asked. “What do you value in life? Does your partner align with that?”
5. You have the desire to grow together
No one goes into marriage perfectly prepared. In fact, you may still feel like you have a lot of personal work to do in therapy or your career — and that’s a good thing, according to Eldemire.
The important thing is self-awareness and the will to change. “You may not have everything under control, but you see where your flaws are”he says. “And you also have the desire to grow and solve those problems together with another person.”
Read the original article at Business Insider.
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