We all agree that it is important to take control of our own life, right? That the best way to live is to be authentic and the best version of ourselves.
So why is it so hard for us to put limits on the whims of others? In the end, more than once we feel that we are living more for others than for ourselves.
If at this moment you have felt identified, do not worry: you are not alone. But learning to live for yourself, while remaining flexible, is possible.
You just have to start setting limits when necessary. These are some of the aspects of your life in which you should put it into practice.
1. Say no
Sometimes we find ourselves immersed in a lot of plans that we really don’t feel like attending, just because we don’t dare to say no. Deep down, it’s because we believe that the people around us will stop loving us if we do.
It’s time for you to start listening to yourself more and doing only what you feel like doing. Well, time is not infinite, you know? That’s why it’s best to use it where it’s really worth it.
When you don’t feel like doing something, just say so. I promise you that the world does not fall.
2. Coping with family pressures
Times have changed, but the family doesn’t always find out. For this reason, sometimes they want to impose on you, almost without wanting to, the parameters that they believe are correct. So there is never a lack of insistent comments from your mother about “the biological clock does not wait”, or from your father about “the importance of having a career”. Or whatever.
In these cases, setting limits can be especially difficult. The best thing you can do, in those cases, is to settle the issue as soon as it comes up. Do not argue or try to “win” your position.
To do this you can: give a quick answer and change the subject; respond with humor or irony; or opt for a blunt “it’s my life and I do what I want”.
Anyway, the important thing is that you don’t get entangled in those endless conversations where everyone will want to make you change your mind, because you won’t get anything very productive out of it.
3. A demanding friend: how to find the limits
Sometimes putting limits on a friendship can be much more complicated than it seems. Above all because sometimes we feel that we are abandoning our friend by setting limits, especially when the other is going through a difficult time.
However, it is important to understand that you are not responsible for the problems of others, not even the most important people, and you are not a free psychologist; you are a friend.
Also, if you do not set limits on time, you can generate the opposite effect and end up hurting the relationship. So the best thing is to be honest, never show yourself disinterested, but do find your space.
If one day you can’t (or don’t even feel like it), tell him that you are very busy and need to rest, but propose a date to meet. Or, if you’re seeing each other too often, tell him the truth: that you have a lot of projects and that you can’t meet every day, maybe once a week.
If he is a true friend, he will know how to understand you, and if not, he may just want to use you to vent, but he doesn’t care about your feelings.
4. Setting limits in the couple: the fight for personal space
At the beginning of a relationship, we generally just want to be with the other person. This is love: it works almost like a drug. But you have to know how to set limits to this, because every healthy relationship needs both people to have their own personal space.
It’s okay that at first you let yourself be carried away by your feelings, but as time goes by it’s important that you start to create your own spaces, and above all, that your partner respects them. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll end up entangled in a toxic relationship.
Talk as a couple, establish the limits between the two of you (what is good for you, what is not so good, and how you could reach an agreement), and try to find spaces of independence.
5. Put limits on work
With today’s technology, the boundaries between private and professional life are blurred. But it is important to mark them on time, and know how to locate others, especially when it comes to our bosses.
Look, no matter how urgent something is: you have the right to enjoy a weekend or your vacation without being aware of work, otherwise you become a true slave to your work. Is that what you want?
If they email you on Saturday night, don’t let them pass you by. Answer, “I have received the information. I’ll figure it out first thing Monday morning. Hugs and good weekend!” It’s a polite way of making it clear that you won’t be doing extra work around the house.
You also have the right to ask not to belong to a group of WhatsApp for work issues, or (if you can’t help it) silence him on the weekend.
If you work on your own, this can be even more difficult, because you have to set the limit for yourself. In these cases, it is a good idea to set a work deadline and respect it to the letter.
And you, will you start to put limits on your life?
Sources:
buzzfeed
The Andes