Has he asked you? How you can get to know your partner betterOr are you trying to decide if a potential partner is right for you?
It’s time to leave behind the small talk and superficial questions and go even deeper.
Here you go 36 relationship questions to ask your partnerwhether you are on a first date or planning to get married.
Questions for your first date
Try these conversation topics on your first date to get to know the other person better.
What things stress you out?
While this question will lead to fairly direct answers, it can also give you a clearer idea about your date’s personality.
“We all experience stress, no one is immune to it,” said Karina Baltazar-Duran, a couples therapist at Triveworks. “Asking the person you’re interested in about the things that stress them out can determine their level of patience.”
What is your favorite movie?
That can tell you something about their tastes, their personality and their sense of humor.
Who did you have your first crush on? What was it like?
Try this question if you want to know more about their physical and personality traits.
Do you spend time with your family?
These types of questions about family can help you better understand your partner’s values as well as their interpersonal way of being.
Note: A 2018 study found that those who grew up in a healthy home environment were more likely to have healthy romantic relationships later in life.
What do you like to do in your free time?
This simple question can give you direct answers, but you can also delve into deeper meanings, such as how a person deals with stress.
You just won the lottery. What would you do with the money?
This question can reveal whether your date is a thrifty person or a spendthrift. It can also indicate whether he or she is a generous person.
Do you have animals?
If your pets are an essential part of your life, but your date doesn’t like animals, this could be a big problem.
Having pets can be an indicator of personality. “People who have pets may be more compassionate or sensitive than those who don’t, but that doesn’t mean that people who don’t have pets can’t be like that,” Baltazar-Duran said.
What is your love language?
There are 5 types of love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time or physical contact.
Is there anything that gets on your nerves?
Knowing your potential partner’s pet peeves can help you get a better idea of their patience levels.
What is non-negotiable for you?
For major life events, like having children, it’s very important to know what your potential partner is willing to negotiate.
What romantic things have attracted you in the past?
Understanding what attracts the other person can help you identify some of their values, for better or worse.
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Questions to ask when you’re just starting a relationship
When you’ve been dating someone for a few weeks, or even months, ask them these questions to better gauge your compatibility.
What would you like us to do together to have a perfect day, weekend or night?
Enjoying similar activities, as well as having compatible interests, is important for a lasting relationship.
What are your deepest desires?
Understanding your partner’s dreams can help you better understand what they value most in life. It can also help you determine if your values align.
What has been the hardest thing you’ve had to do in life so far? How has it affected you?
You can better understand your partner’s mindset when you learn how adversity has impacted their life.
“There is no right or wrong here, just an awareness of your inner strength and emotional reserves,” explained Liz Jenkins, a relationship counselor and therapist.
When do you need more affection (or physical intimacy)?
Asking this question lets you know what your partner needs to calm down, soothe, or feel connected.
Important: A 2017 study found that couples who communicated better were satisfied with their relationship.
Can you tell me what your first heartbreak was like?
Knowing about their first heartbreak might help you understand how they handle negative emotions.
What’s the first thing that caught your attention about me?
Not only is this a fun question, but it can give you a clue as to what he values when it comes to a romantic partner.
What is your most irrational fear?
This question can help you delve deeper into your intimacy, as a person may feel vulnerable sharing what they fear.
What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken that didn’t pay off?
You can find out more about their risk tolerance. Also how they handle disappointment or failure.
What are the 3 greatest adventures you have ever had?
It’s a fun question, but it also gives you an idea of their level of adventure.
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Questions for a stable couple
As your relationship becomes more serious, it’s important to ask your partner questions about commitment and long-term goals.
What does commitment mean to you?
Even if you and your partner are committed to each other, there may be a discrepancy between what you both mean by that.
“A lot of people assume they’re talking about the same thing, assuming that because they’re dating or living together, it means they’re on the path to engagement, marriage, etc.,” Jenkins said. “Many don’t see the signs that the relationship is different for their partner.”
Make sure you are on the same line to ensure compatibility.
What 3 things are on your bucket list?
Maybe their bucket list is similar to yours, and you can help each other check those items off.
Do you want to have children in the future?
This question is important because if you don’t agree on the answer, things may not work out in the future.
What is your dream house?
Do you both want to live in the north, on the east coast, in Spain or in another country? Is your ideal home on the beach, near a lake or in the suburbs? It’s important to make sure you have the same ideas about where to call home.
How do you see your life in 5 years?
This question can help you understand their life goals and see if they match yours.
What do you appreciate most about me?
You should both be able to answer this question a long time ago. This question will provide enough information to know what the other person values.
What is the goal in your life that could help you achieve it?
It’s a question that demonstrates your commitment to your partner. It offers insight into how well you might work together to achieve common goals in the future.
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Questions to ask your partner before getting married
Before you get married, make sure you ask your partner these questions.
What is your favorite memory of our relationship?
It’s good to remember special memories and understand what your partner values about them.
How do you imagine retirement?
Retirement is going to be a big part of your future together. It’s best to talk about it as soon as possible.
What would be the greatest adventure we could undertake together?
Why not start planning it now? Maybe for your honeymoon?
What do you consider to be a successful marriage?
Make sure you’re on the same page, or at least understand how you can play a role in ensuring your marriage is set up for success.
What are your expectations for our roles in our marriage?
Does your partner expect you to cook, clean, when you’d really rather focus on your career? Make sure you’re on the same page before you take the plunge.
What are your expectations about our roles if we have children?
Does your partner expect you to go to work every day when you really want to be the one staying home with the kids? Make these points clear up front.
How will you support me in times of need?
Your partner can be your biggest support system, so make sure you know how to best support each other.
How can I offer you support when you need it most?
This takes the guesswork out of being there for your spouse.
What reason, if any, might make you want to get a divorce?
It’s not romantic to talk about divorce, but it’s a possible reality. Discuss each of your non-negotiables in a marriage. Is it infidelity? Emotional neglect? Lack of motivation? It’s best to make that clear up front.
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The important thing
Getting to know someone on a deep level is crucial for a relationship to thrive.
Being vulnerable and opening up to someone, and having that person open up to you, can help determine if you make a good match.
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Tags: Love, Psychology