Attraction is impossible to understand. Sometimes you don’t know what it is that drives you to approach one person more than another, or what was it that made you realize that you can’t stop thinking about her.
No two people can agree on what is attractive and what is not.
Lisa Lawless, clinical psychotherapist and sex educator, explains to Business Insider that the Attraction is multifaceted and “includes visual cues, scent, hormones, genetics, and evolutionary factors.”
“It is crucial to recognize that physical appearance is only one aspect of a person and does not define their essence or value as a human being or how attractive they are to others,” she says.
Jacqueline Fae, dating coach and founder of IDL Match Club, points out that the 5 senses They also influence the compatibility of a couple. “It takes all of them to feel the maximum attraction,” he says.
1. Smell
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A 2018 study found that women with certain scents are more attractive to men. It turns out that were more attractive when they had high levels of estrogen and low levels of progesteroneThis balance of hormones indicates high female fertility, the researchers explained, so it makes sense that men would find them more attractive while they are in this stage.
Fae explains that scents can also take people back to a familiar time, like the body perfume their first boyfriend used. It can even be related to something that’s not at all romantic, like the smell of gasoline, because it reminds them of feeling comfortable hanging out with their dad in a garage.
“There are very strange things that attract people by smell”“, says Fae.
2. Taste
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People transfer about 80 million bacteria when they kiss, yet they keep doing it. Kissing not only stimulates the release of oxytocin, but Another person’s taste also helps biological attraction.
“Humans do not have a great olfactory capacity and kissing allows us to smell and taste a person and see if they have different immune responses, since we tend to feel more attracted to someone with a different immune response,” he clarifies. The Independent Sarah Johns, an expert in human reproduction and evolutionary psychology at the University of Kent.
However, according to Fae, it can be much simpler.
“Have you ever been out with someone who has bad breath? You kiss them and you’re like, ‘Ugh, that was awful. I don’t want to do that again.'”
3. Food
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What you eat could also have an impact on how attractive you areA small 2017 study found that women were more attracted to sweaty men who ate diets rich in produce than to men who ate more refined carbohydrates, such as pasta and bread.
Basically, the researchers concluded, when we eat healthy, we may smell healthy, too.
4. Fertility
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Being fertile not only makes you smell attractive, but it can also affect your appearance. A study from a few years ago found that men They considered the faces and voices of women to be more attractive when they were in the most fertile phase of their cycle..
However, a 2021 study on speed dating found that women who were about to ovulate were not more attractive to men. They were, however, more likely to be asked out on a date.
5. Hormones
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Some research suggests that Our hormonal balance can influence what we wantFor example, men with high levels of testosterone may be more attracted to women with more feminine faces, i.e., large eyes, high eyebrows, and a smaller jawline. But higher levels of testosterone may not make men appear more handsome.
Although testosterone and estrogen are characterized as masculine and feminine respectively, both play a role in men and women. Testosterone, for example, increases libido in almost everyone.
6. More hormones
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He Love is related to several hormones that make us feel warm and fuzzy. Dopamine is the reward hormone that is released when we do something that makes us feel good, such as spending time with people we like and having sex.
The Attraction is also associated with higher levels of serotonin, the happiness hormone. And physical contact—both hugging and sexual contact—has been shown to increase oxytocin, the love hormone. So it makes sense that spending more time with someone, enjoying their company, and touching them more will make you feel more attracted to them.
7. Kindness
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If someone is kind, they can appear more attractive and also more likeableOne study showed that putting positive character traits next to someone’s photo meant people thought they were more handsome.
Altruistic behavior is also attractive, possibly because it was one of the qualities our ancestors preferred in a partner.
“For our ancestors it was important choose partners who wanted and could be good parents in the long term“, he explains to The Independent Tim Phillips, a psychiatrist at the University of Nottingham, said: “The evidence of altruism may well have provided precise clues to this, and thus led to a link between human altruism and sexual selection.”
8. Voice
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According to research, women They prefer men with deep voicesand especially just before you start ovulating. There may be something intrinsically biological to this, as deeper voices have been linked to producing healthier children, and in nature, deeper pitch is associated with being bigger.
According to another study, strangers rated people who reported being more sexually experienced and sexually active as having more attractive voices.
The opposite can also happen. Fae says she has had clients who didn’t like their partners because of how they sounded, despite being physically attracted to them at first.
9. Be similar
Research suggests that We are attracted to people similar to usboth physically and in personality. For example, research from the University of St Andrews (Scotland) showed that we are attracted to the traits our parents had when we were born, such as the colour of their eyes. This could be because we see them as our first caregiver and associate positive feelings with their traits.
Another work published in the magazine Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences discovered that Spouses tend to be more genetically similar than two randomly selected individuals.. And an article published in Psychological Science discovered that if someone looks like us, we are more likely to trust them.
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10. Be different
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But sometimes, the Opposites attractFor example, if you’ve lived a sheltered life, you may be attracted to people who have had very different experiences.
Fae says that often her fair-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed clients prefer a partner with darker skin and features, and vice versa.
Opposites may also attract for biological reasons. When it comes to reproduction, a little variety plays in your favor. For example, the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) is a part of the immune system that helps cells recognize foreign molecules.
When your MHC is very different from your partner’s, It reduces the risk of mating with someone you are related to and increases the genetic variability of your offspring.which means she is more likely to be healthier and have a better immune system.
11. Maturity
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As people mature, they tend to learn more about themselves. This can work in your favor when looking for a partner, because you’re more likely to know what you want and what’s important to you.
“If you look at people when they’re younger and they’re dating, they may be attracted to the whole outer package and not care as much about the inner package, meaning someone’s values or their ideas, or the way they treat other people,” counselor Michele Kerulis tells Elite Daily. “When you start to mature, I think people focus more on the whole and not just on someone’s appearance or that initial sexual attraction.“.
12. Facial features
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There are certain facial features that are most often attractiveSometimes it’s facial symmetry, but other times it’s a crooked smile or a unique mole that makes someone stand out. Plain, ordinary faces are often considered more attractive, possibly because standard faces represent a more diverse set of genes.
On the other hand, familiar faces are the most attractive, because people may be more influenced by their personal experiences in life than by anything else.
In general, it is unlikely to be due to just one thing.
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Attraction is an incredibly complicated thing, and science probably won’t be able to determine All the reasons why you find someone attractiveor vice versa. Often, compatibility is what matters most, and you’re unlikely to be able to quantify that. But there are some questions you can ask yourself before settling down.
Lawless explains that one person does not in any way determine another’s value or overall attractiveness: it’s all subjective.
“There are numerous factors to consider, and it is unwise to rely solely on physical appearance as an indicator of someone’s worth,” he notes. “Interestingly, Sometimes people find others more attractive as they get to know them better.and this can also happen in reverse.”
This article was first published in October 2018 and was updated in February 2023 to include additional experts and new information.
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